My entire life I have always based a portion of my value on the dollar amount in my bank account. No that number wasn't always big, but it was there and it was mine. Getting married is a whole new world. Obviously before changing my last name I knew that what was mine was his and blah blah blah but saying it and living it is two different things.
I had been in the food & beverage industry for 13 years before I got pregnant with my daughter. After she was born I thought I wanted to stay at home with her and I....just...couldn't. I think most reasonable down to earth moms will admit that your first kid is sort of a culture shock and especially newborns can be hard to get used to being at home with-----all day....everyday. I thought I wanted to get back to work and even justified going back to work when Lilly was 7 weeks by saying "I don't feel I'm contributing unless I am contributing financially." I was an idiot. And I was scared. Being a stay at home mom is a HUGE job and I had only had a short 7 week test in the field ;-)
However, the more I picked Lilly up after work and the daycare sitters told me what she was learning I kept telling myself "I would never know to do that with her." "The socialization is good for her." "They're so good with her!" But the thing I wasn't telling myself is that no matter how much I made disclaimers about having my daughter in daycare even though my gut was saying otherwise---my heart would eventually beat my head out. This finally happened last week. The ice had cracked and I feel in deep.
I was in Las Vegas for the 2015 Wedding MBA to learn as much as I could about the industry so I could go back and sell tons of weddings for my venue--sitting in class after class, lecture after lecture I began to really think about if I was happy. All of these women surrounding me in their pearls and pastels were so ecstatic to be there. You could see it in their eyes, hear it in their voices and feel it in their energy. They LOVED what they did for a living. I wanted to be that happy and with each class I was getting more depressed and stressed. Brides stress me out---I said it! Yes, I love when I had a good bride and she had a great memory of me helping with her big weekend in one way or another. But let's be honest. The majority of women (in general--not just brides) are high maintenance and hard to please. Did I really want to miss out on my daughter growing up to sell hotel rooms and weddings?
Don't get me wrong I did thoroughly enjoy my time at the hotel---but for me to not be the main influence in the person my daughter is becoming, I needed to LOVE my job and reason of being away from her. So as I sat in my suite off the strip I decided I was going to take the necessary steps to work towards the family life I have always dreamed of and a career I could feel fulfilled doing--helping others through yoga. Today--I celebrated our beautiful daughter coming into the world one year ago and also celebrated taking a new, amazing step in a great direction for my husband and our daughter. I can't wait to see how my life unfolds in this new journey. #2weeknotice #13daystogo #familyfirst
No comments:
Post a Comment