I figure since this is how almost every single one of my days starts of lately (with Mickey saying it on top of that cartoon hill) "hi, everybody!" It was only suiting to start my first blog in 9 months off that way. :-)
This year has just been flying by--but in the best way possible! Since I last blogged my husband, Kyle, and I have moved into our very own home in North Kansas City! It has tons of space for our rowdy 2 year old to run around in and a huge backyard for our sweet mutt, Jakobee. Up until a few weeks ago Kyle and I have pretty much worked our summers away trying to pay off debt and furnish this house without going broke. Needless to say, it is getting there......slowly. I'm learning that a house evolves with us as people. Right now we are doing Dave Ramsey and furnishing our house off of Facebook Swap & Shops. One day we will be debt free and I can take a page from Pottery Barn and make it happen LOL. But for now it is home, a roof over our head and it is OUR OWN little piece of this planet. What I love the most about our house (besides the fact that it's NOT an apartment) is the sky at night. We are just far enough away from the city that the light pollution doesn't really effect us. The stars are almost as clear as I remember them growing up in the middle of nowhere Nebraska. Clear enough that you can go outside at night with a cocktail in hand and just breath, look up and remember what life is all about.
I have been blessed in 2016. Yes, I did go back to work as a measly server at one of the hottest places you can work in the Midwest during the summer. TopGolf. It was an experience I will soon forget lol the money was quick and easy but walking 6-8 miles a shift in the heat outside was M.I.S.E.R.A.B.L.E!! Seriously, I couldn't take it and counted down the days until I didn't have to go back. Don't get me wrong, the people were amazing, the food delicious and the atmosphere is one-of-a-kind for a date night, birthday party or work function. But as an associate I was not a fan. It was also a punch to the ol' pride to go from being a Sales Manager to just a server in the pits again with kids still in high school. (I can write an entire post just on the stupid things I heard in the last 4 months!) That's what I wanted though--a job with no responsibility,quick/easy money and more free time for my family---that is exactly what I got, so overall it was a success!!
I also got to go on two amazing vacations this past summer with some pretty awesome girls =) I remember most of the trips but most importantly I got some much needed time away from life. I know that sounds bad, as a wife and a mom. But I needed the ocean and my friends. Buying a house is a stttrrrrreeessssffuullll process, people. Let me tell you! I am so lucky that Kyle did nearly ALL of the financial work and was amazing at doing his homework when it came to the loan, APR, interest rate, blah blah, googidy poo pah. (That's what it always sounded like to me when he would talk about it.) Even though that I didn't have to deal with the Lender and the Realtor I was still in a weird position. I wasn't working. We had to have a down payment and we needed more money---that's when I went back to work. I love being a SAHM but our family needed me to work more so that's what I did. I was actually really lucky because with Kyle working two jobs and me working nights my mother-in-law basically helped raise Lilly this summer too. =) They say it takes a village and it truly does. Lilly was an angel though and was sleep trained in no time to go to bed around 9:30pm and sleep until 9:30am or 10am!!! It was nice to sleep in after working so late!
One thing I don't want to make light of is how much of a weird place I was in when we were going through the house buying process. For the first time in my life I was not and had not been contributing to our family, financially, in quite some time. I was just staying home with Lilly and I LOVED it......But, we wanted a house so bad and our lease was about up in our apartment. We were running out of time and options. I felt guilty for enjoying staying at home but knowing if something didn't give we were not going to get a house like we wanted. One day, in May while driving on the highway I had my first severe anxiety attack. I had no clue what was happening to me--I was alone and driving 70mph. Before my hands were completely immobile, from my muscles in my hands being contracted, I was able to pull over and voice call Kyle. While talking to him the symptoms worsened and I couldn't feel my arms or legs---I had to hang up and call 911. I thought I was having a stroke or about to have a seizure or something. Hands down, scariest moment of my life so far. It was so unreal to not have control of body and just be trapped in my head.
As I sat in the hospital bed waiting for my labs to come back I couldn't help but think 'I have diabetes or low blood sugar or maybe I'm pregnant. There is a biological explanation and solution to what happened to me today.' That was not the case. I remember looking at the doctor as she told me I had a severe anxiety attack caused by stress. I felt so weak minded, embarrassed and confused instantly. I was so stressed and unable to mentally control it that my body just shut down? How did I not recognize my increased breathing and heart rate? I'm a yoga teacher I should've done breathing practices to calm myself. Wait, I'm a yoga teacher and stressed out to the point of a physical breakdown? How does that make sense??? These are all questions that did and do run through my head still from time to time. I was so uneducated on anxiety and what it can do to our bodies.
With the stress of house buying over and doing more research as well as talking to friends with anxiety I have been able to limit my frequency of attacks. Another helper of reducing my anxiety has been putting YOGA back into my life more frequently. It is very easy as a mainly stay at home mom to sit inside (especially when you work outside) but I had to get more physical activity in my life. Not only that but I have some other changes happening in life right now as well that have encouraged me to start blogging again =)
In the past I have blogged in hopes of building an audience or helping just one other young mother out there. This is still a long term goal, but I have decided that this go round I am writing for me. I am journaling on the world wide web. In dream world-people like it and laugh at it, maybe even cry once in a while. But if it does nothing else but get some stress off my chest by venting through my keyboard- so be it =) Life is about what makes me happy because a happy wife and a happy momma are always better!
My other changes are two new jobs (more details to come) and Kyle and I trying for baby #2. Having had two miscarriages it is always an emotional roller coaster but we are excited about the thought of expanding our little family! <3
I hope everyone has a great day and takes some time out for themselves, even just to breath.
~Namaste
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